As most of you know, I'm a huge adoption advocate. I was adopted as an infant, and have been an adoption counselor for 11 years. I'm finding recently though, that I have no clue how very deep the controversy surrounding adoption runs. I was never naive enough to think the process wasnt without its faults, but I had NO clue how huge the anti-adoption movement was. I mean, I was floored when I began reading all of the vicious, hate-filled comments that span the web. Some are from scorned adoptees...those whose lives didnt turn out quite how their biological parents had probably intended when they placed their babies for adoption. Some are from professionals, lay people, whatever...but their adversity to adoption is just stunning.
I read an article by Jessica DeBalzo that slammed adoption and suggested that it is never a good option, and we should be supporting biological parents and biological families in order to keep that child within their bloodlines. Ok, Jessica...lets talk a few scenarios here and see how that plan would work (BTW, Jessica's is one of numerous that I found supporting this "theory").
1. The instance of rape. Should biological mothers be forced to raise a child that is a byproduct of an assault? Should they be forced to love a child that was literally forced upon them in THE most invasive, degrading, traumatic way possible? I have placed babies for rape victims before and I have found them to be so incredibly strong...to even carry a baby to term that was not planned, but forced into your body...
2. parents that do not want their children. Hate to say it, but I have worked with gobs of parents who don't care...at all...about their kids. They don't want them and show them the very smallest amount of attention possible to keep them alive. Despite beaucoups of "services" put into place to "support" the family, the parents don't bite and nothing changes. They are mean to these children (case in point...I have been working a foster care prevention case where no services seemed to work and mom was completely apathetic about her children. Fast forward a year and CFS had to remove the kids. What did mom do? She didn't cry. She didn't beg for another chance. She didnt ask what could have been done differently or when she could see her kids again. What did she do? She told her child it was HIS fault the kids were being removed. She then set his stuff on the curb to be sold, and was sure to do it on a Friday so that he would see it as his bus drove by to school...and he did).
3. Instances of drug dependency. I'm not saying all drug addicts are incapable of rehabbing, but why the heck would you use resources to "support" a parent who would probably sell the dang baby for their next fix?? Support a parent who is well into recovery, but why allow an innocent child to suffer the constant ups and downs of life with a drug addict? I have learned the hard way that people do not change until they are ready and if a baby happens to come along before that day, that child should not be made to suffer along to "wait and see" if the parents can get themselves straight!
Ok, so I can go on and on about this stuff. Its infuriating that a few people, who are probably not even adopted themselves, can have such strong, negative opinions about something they have never experienced. Even if they have, and their particular experience was negative, they can NOT make blanket statements that ALL adoptions are a detriment to the adoptee! So many many children have been blessed with loving families and have been given opportunities (and I don't mean financial gain...I mean the opportunity to grow in a family that WANTS them, cherishes them, and helps them develop to their greatest potential).
I havent even gotten to the international adoption argument yet...I just do not understand WHY people spend so much time arguing against a process that has saved lives and has made an positive generational impact.
There is a lot of negativity about adoption on the internet. I do think there are unethical adoption procedures. However, the site that annoys me the most is First Mother, Birth Mother. These are women who once gave up their child for adoption, but claim they are the "real mothers" of the children anyway, and they refer to adoptive mothers as "adoptresses" and refuse to call them mothers. What I like to ask these birth mothers is this: if you are indeed the real mom, you need to pay back child support to these kids and to the parents who raised them for you. Or, step up to the plate and offer to pay for your child's college education when he/she turns 18. But you know what? I don't think any of these birth moms would do that. They would rather just keep insisting they are the real mother because they have the same genetics as the child.
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