Job: Fail.

I'm not so sure I'm even going to post this...I really just need to get some stuff off my chest.  Something happened at work today that just brought up so many emotions, and I dont know what to do with them. 

A while back, I was working with a family in an attempt to avoid putting the children in foster care.  There were two little girls and a boy.  The mother was a hoarder, but more of the lazy sort. She had no attachment to the trash in her house, she was just too lazy to clean it up.  She was perfectly happy to have others do it for her.  There were bugs, fleas (which I had posted about my allergic reaction to over the summer), rodents, and mold. It was horrible.  The year that I worked with the family, I had two in-home counselors coming, and offered numerous resources to help her get and stay on her feet.  Even her homeowner's insurance company thought the house unfit as they cancelled her policy.  Whilst this was going on, she met a man and moved him into her house. Within a few weeks, she had the kids calling him dad.  Ok, red flags everywhere, but I had no proof of anything. 

This man...he was very creepy...a weasley sort. I wouldnt have trusted him with my dog, let alone my children.  I did not understand what he saw in this woman as she was hygenically challenged in every way possible, lazy as all get-out, manipulative, and...well...straight cray cray. 

Today, I found out why he was interested in her little family.  A few months ago, there was so little progress with the mother, that the children had to be removed.  The house was deplorable and the boyfriend had started beating the children with belts.  Enough was enough.  Shortly afterward, someone found child indescretions on his computer (I am NOT going to put what it is actually called on this blog because I do not want any perverts doing a search term and ending up here)...which then led to an investigation of his cell phone.  Where pictures of this woman's children were found.  I am horrified that for an entire year, I couldn't prove this pervert was living there.  For a year these children suffered because I could not prove what he was doing.  We ALL had our suspicions, but ultimately we were trying to get the mother to straighten up her life.  I think all in all, there are over 1000 pictures.

Now mom...we have suspicion that she knew all along what he was doing....just as sick.  Since her children were removed, she has moved in with another man, and has posted online how happy and carefree her life is.  WTF?? What kind of mother is this?  I just DONT UNDERSTAND. 

So, I feel like I failed these children.  I should have known, should have dug deeper.  When you see things online and on tv about how social services fails children...please know that MOST of us try SO hard to protect them, but the families don't give us what we need. They are SO good at covering things up.  We are bound by laws and statutes and can't just investigate things on a whim.  I just wish he had given me something along the way that I could have used to dive into it.  I am so very sad for these kids. So so so sad.  NO child should ever have to experience this.

Snow!

( I had originially written this last weekend when it DID snow, but the pics wouldn't upload.  Since then, temps reached 80 degrees in VA...no wonder everyone around here is always sick!)

So, I grew up in CT. I have seen more snow than I can to remember. Years 0-12 it was fine, because I'd much rather play in it than do anything else.  Once it started interfering with my social life, it began to piss me off. In CT, we had LOTS of snow/blizzards/power outages (the worst was two weeks...ugh).  Anyhoo, while it was pretty to look at, it began to get on my nerves. I hated being stuck in the house...made even worse if there were no phones!!  (yeah, this was long before cell phones)  I can not even begin to tell you how many times my little VW got stuck!  As I've slowly moved my way down the East coast, I've enjoyed the diminishing amounts of snow and warmer climates...so much so that I actually enjoy white stuff now and again.  Last night, we had a lovely dusting and it took forever to accumulate, but by bedtime, there was enough to play in, so we let the girls stay up and romp around for a while. They had SO MUCH FUN.  That is my newfound joy in snow.  Baby A doesnt remember it from last year, so she was soooo excited.  It was all fun and games until someone got a snowball in the eye.  She rallied quickly though and we didnt make them come in until their little cheeks were good and chapped.   :)

Stuff I found on Pinterest...and MADE

(picture courtesy of http://www.yellowbrickhome.com/2011/03/16/diy-suds/)

So I've been doing a lot of DIY stuff in the interest of saving a few bucks.  One of my biggest money grubbers was laundry detergent because I do like, 500 loads a day.  Seriously though, I do about 15 loads a week. I can burn through a regular bottle pretty quickly. SO, making my own laundry soap was first on my to-do list.  Laundry soap can be done two ways...made into a liquid form, or made into a powder. After reading 800 blogs that described each process, I decided that liquid was just too complex and time consuming for me, and I was all about making some powder.  I was able to find all three ingredients I needed a Wal-mart....super easy. 

So, the recipe varies slightly from blog to blog, but this is what I used.

2 cups Borax

2 cups Arm and Hammer Washing Soda (not baking soda...we are not cooking!)

1 entire bar of Fels Naptha washing soap

Two instructions: grate bar of soap with cheese grater, mix all the ingredients. BAM! You're done.  I put mine in a cute glass container and stuck it in the laundry room. I use one-two TBSP per load of wash and so far so good!! The only catch is I hate the way it smells...smells like old people soap.  I do still use store-bought fabric softener to mask it and it works just fine.

So, total cost: $11...and I still have half a box of Borax and Washing Soda to go!  Next time I need soap, I only have to buy the bar of soap. AWESOME savings. Yay me! (you know, and all those other peeps out there who figure this out long before me).  :)   (Oh, and we have an HE washer, and it has not caused ANY problems)

Happy Birthday Baby A!!!!!

Actually, I missed this post by two days, but my baby girl is now three. Breaks my heart...she has grown SO fast. Thankfully she still lets me hold her and cuddle her. She is a feisty little thing, smart as a whip, and totally capable of keeping up with her big sisters.  This baby of mine is FUNNY! She has a great sense of humor and is always surprising me.  She loves to dress up like a princess...EVERY day.  She is my best eater, and my worst sleeper.  I love her to bits!! Happy birthday pumpkin!!!

Baby A's first day

Baby A's first birthday...she looks a little shell shocked, but she was so funny once she figure out what to do with the cake!

Baby A's 2nd birthday (with presumably the worst haircut EVER! She twirls her hair in her sleep and she had pulled out most of one side, so I had it cut all off...ugh)

Baby A is THREE!!!

Wow...I'm in complete shock.

So, I was getting sort of panicky as my anatomy ultrasound was coming up (its next Friday BTW).  I felt like I NEEDED to know what was growing in my belly (I mean, the baby part is a given, obviously its not a puppy) but boy or girl.  I felt like I needed to know BEFORE the scan so I could sort of deal with the emotions of having another girl before seeing the disappointed look on DH's face next Friday. 
I'll be honest...I WANT a boy. I'd love a girl as I love all my girls now, but I really wanted the experience of raising a boy too, and I knew this was my last shot because someone is getting something tied at the end of all this. 
So in a totally hastey move, I booked a random appointment at a 3d ultrasound place yesterday during my lunch hour.  Worth. Every. Penny.  And I found out what we're having!!!!!! Wanna know???
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Its a BOY!!!!!

I about lost my freaking mind. I mean really, I almost lost it. I didn't believe the tech at all and then I saw my little boy in all his glory...very well endowed I might add.  I just can't wrap my head around a boy...after three girls. Its amazing!! 
So, I was going to keep it a secret from the hubs until next week, but he was having a bad day and NEEDED some good news.  The excitement in his voice made my day...it was up there with one of the best moments in my life. 
I have the 3d pictures, but they are super sucky...which stinks because I could see him perfectly clearly on the screen.  He is very very very cute.  For a 3d ultrasound at 18 weeks, he looked a lot less like the alien babies I saw on my google search, and a lot more like a term baby.  (Obviously he's not ready to come out, he's still just the size of a cup, but he had nice puffy cheeks!) 

So anyhow, thats the big news.  I bought my first little boy outfits at Target so I can give them to the girls to tell them.  They are so small...and nothing is pink!!  :) 

How many times can a germ recycle itself through a family?

So far, we're going on three.  In the past two weeks, the kids and I have shared strep throat, pink eye, norovirus, migraines (those were just for me), and colds with fevers.  Surprisingly, they've been in really great moods, but they are not sleeping well, thus neither is mommy.  Hubs has been out of town all week, so now upon his return, one of two things will happen: He will get slammed with ALL of the illnesses at once and will revert back to a toddler-like state of neediness, OR he will avoid it altogether (in the most unfair way!)  Honestly, as much as I"d love to share some germs with him, he is SUCH the baby when sick, and I've got enough sick babies to care for. Actually, he's worse than even the little ones because they WANT to get better...he sort of likes to milk it for a few days. 

So, thats my explanation for not posting.  Actually, I did post (what I thought was) an awesome letter to hubs' boss b/c honestly, I'm TIRED of him working so darn much, but then I thought it could come back to bite me down the road someday.  And I'm not much the type to get nasty with people without feeling horribly guilty, so the post was only up about 2 minutes. If you managed to catch it, awesome. But I'm really not that mean, I swear.  :)

Baby update: I am 17 weeks plus now, and huge.  huge huge.  The kind of huge you can only be when you were slightly overweight to begin with and then began incubating your fourth child. It is what it is though.  I'll find out little speck's gender two weeks from tomorrow.  I'm sure its a girl.  We are awesome at making cute little girls!! Honestly, I'm just grateful for healthy little girls (minus the past week or two, but overall). 

I have ultrasound pics but they are already a month old.  So, I"ll wait until the big gender reveal.  I might screw with the family a little and not tell!  Nah, I stink at keeping secrets.  :)  

The Best Mom

So, I think its pretty safe to say that as parents, all of us question whether we're doing this thing "right."  In the early newborn days, "right" meant keeping the baby alive...feeding/changing, cuddling (yet not smothering), and all those basics required for survival. As they get older, we are all faced with decisions...cry it out, or no? When is the right time for table food?  When do we start time-outs? Is spanking appropriate?  The decisions get infinately more complex as they get older, and the results of our decisions may not be apparent for years to come.

So, this morning, Baby A climbed into bed with me and patted my face like she does every morning, and said, "mommy...you're the best mommy ever."  Those words melt my heart into a puddle of goo every time.  But, it got me thinking...while I may be the best mom for HER, it certainly does not make me the best mom in the world.  So, who is?? 

I admire mothers with infinate patience. I admire mothers that are more creative and engaging than I am, or who manage their time so efficiently, everything seems to get done every day with room at the end for a home cooked meal...from scratch. 

I'm nothing like those moms.  I work full-time.  Our mornings are chaotic, our evenings slightly less so.  I'm not always patient and sometimes I yell. Loudly. I think I'm creative enough, but then I look at other parents' ideas and think, "why didnt I think of that???"  I use time-out, but sometimes, I'm just too tired to care. Tonight, after the billionth tattle came at me, I shut myself in the bathroom and told them to work it out.  There was much screaming, but eventually they did and it was all giggles from there on out.

So, is the best mom someone who is always gentle, always guiding, always entertaining? Is it the mom who can admit when she's messed up and apologize to her kids? Is it the mom who has faults but can show her kids problem solving? Is it the stay-at-home mom who can be with her chidren all day? Or the moms like me, who have to rely on other's help to raise their children? 

I really have no clue. I have no idea what the best mom in the world would look like.  I like to think my children are well-adjusted, smart, happy kids.  All three of my girls watch me go to work each day and, like me, have learned that mommy has interests and contributions to make too. 

But, what if I stayed home? I have massive amounts of admiration for stay-at-home moms. They spend each second of each day with their babies. What patience! There are times when I feel like my identity is being tucked far far away, and I know that for me, that would be even harder if I were home with the girls. I would love the opportunity to be home with them, but its not feasible at this point.  But would I appreciate them as much as I do when I pick them up from school? That is THE best moment of my day...every day. I love getting them and loving on them.  Would it be different if I were with them all day, every day? 

Through work, I meet a lot of "bad" mothers. And by bad, I mean they abuse and neglect their children to the point where the children are in actual danger.  But, I dont blame those moms most of the time because they are only recreating what they know.  In their eyes, they are great parents!

Anyways, this got really long, but my point was, what would the best mother in the world look like? I am grateful beyond words that right now, my kids think its me! I'm sure if you were to ask most children, they'd say the same about their own moms...until about 13 or so...

Until then, I'm going to keep plugging on in my own way...apologizing for my mistakes, working hard, loving loving loving on my kids and doing the best I can to make their childhood fun and memorable. 
Aaaaand now some pics because a post without them is just boring. :)

The girls decorating the tree...I love the way Baby A is looking at her sisters.

Vintage Middle A..she was about 6 months old

Middle A scrunched up her nose ALL the time...it was super cute!

Happy happy baby!