Thursday, January 26, 2012

How many times can a germ recycle itself through a family?

So far, we're going on three.  In the past two weeks, the kids and I have shared strep throat, pink eye, norovirus, migraines (those were just for me), and colds with fevers.  Surprisingly, they've been in really great moods, but they are not sleeping well, thus neither is mommy.  Hubs has been out of town all week, so now upon his return, one of two things will happen: He will get slammed with ALL of the illnesses at once and will revert back to a toddler-like state of neediness, OR he will avoid it altogether (in the most unfair way!)  Honestly, as much as I"d love to share some germs with him, he is SUCH the baby when sick, and I've got enough sick babies to care for. Actually, he's worse than even the little ones because they WANT to get better...he sort of likes to milk it for a few days. 

So, thats my explanation for not posting.  Actually, I did post (what I thought was) an awesome letter to hubs' boss b/c honestly, I'm TIRED of him working so darn much, but then I thought it could come back to bite me down the road someday.  And I'm not much the type to get nasty with people without feeling horribly guilty, so the post was only up about 2 minutes. If you managed to catch it, awesome. But I'm really not that mean, I swear.  :)

Baby update: I am 17 weeks plus now, and huge.  huge huge.  The kind of huge you can only be when you were slightly overweight to begin with and then began incubating your fourth child. It is what it is though.  I'll find out little speck's gender two weeks from tomorrow.  I'm sure its a girl.  We are awesome at making cute little girls!! Honestly, I'm just grateful for healthy little girls (minus the past week or two, but overall). 

I have ultrasound pics but they are already a month old.  So, I"ll wait until the big gender reveal.  I might screw with the family a little and not tell!  Nah, I stink at keeping secrets.  :)  

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

The Best Mom

So, I think its pretty safe to say that as parents, all of us question whether we're doing this thing "right."  In the early newborn days, "right" meant keeping the baby alive...feeding/changing, cuddling (yet not smothering), and all those basics required for survival. As they get older, we are all faced with decisions...cry it out, or no? When is the right time for table food?  When do we start time-outs? Is spanking appropriate?  The decisions get infinately more complex as they get older, and the results of our decisions may not be apparent for years to come.

So, this morning, Baby A climbed into bed with me and patted my face like she does every morning, and said, "'re the best mommy ever."  Those words melt my heart into a puddle of goo every time.  But, it got me thinking...while I may be the best mom for HER, it certainly does not make me the best mom in the world.  So, who is?? 

I admire mothers with infinate patience. I admire mothers that are more creative and engaging than I am, or who manage their time so efficiently, everything seems to get done every day with room at the end for a home cooked meal...from scratch. 

I'm nothing like those moms.  I work full-time.  Our mornings are chaotic, our evenings slightly less so.  I'm not always patient and sometimes I yell. Loudly. I think I'm creative enough, but then I look at other parents' ideas and think, "why didnt I think of that???"  I use time-out, but sometimes, I'm just too tired to care. Tonight, after the billionth tattle came at me, I shut myself in the bathroom and told them to work it out.  There was much screaming, but eventually they did and it was all giggles from there on out.

So, is the best mom someone who is always gentle, always guiding, always entertaining? Is it the mom who can admit when she's messed up and apologize to her kids? Is it the mom who has faults but can show her kids problem solving? Is it the stay-at-home mom who can be with her chidren all day? Or the moms like me, who have to rely on other's help to raise their children? 

I really have no clue. I have no idea what the best mom in the world would look like.  I like to think my children are well-adjusted, smart, happy kids.  All three of my girls watch me go to work each day and, like me, have learned that mommy has interests and contributions to make too. 

But, what if I stayed home? I have massive amounts of admiration for stay-at-home moms. They spend each second of each day with their babies. What patience! There are times when I feel like my identity is being tucked far far away, and I know that for me, that would be even harder if I were home with the girls. I would love the opportunity to be home with them, but its not feasible at this point.  But would I appreciate them as much as I do when I pick them up from school? That is THE best moment of my day...every day. I love getting them and loving on them.  Would it be different if I were with them all day, every day? 

Through work, I meet a lot of "bad" mothers. And by bad, I mean they abuse and neglect their children to the point where the children are in actual danger.  But, I dont blame those moms most of the time because they are only recreating what they know.  In their eyes, they are great parents!

Anyways, this got really long, but my point was, what would the best mother in the world look like? I am grateful beyond words that right now, my kids think its me! I'm sure if you were to ask most children, they'd say the same about their own moms...until about 13 or so...

Until then, I'm going to keep plugging on in my own way...apologizing for my mistakes, working hard, loving loving loving on my kids and doing the best I can to make their childhood fun and memorable. 
Aaaaand now some pics because a post without them is just boring. :)

The girls decorating the tree...I love the way Baby A is looking at her sisters.

Vintage Middle A..she was about 6 months old

Middle A scrunched up her nose ALL the was super cute!

Happy happy baby!

Friday, January 6, 2012

Want to know what happened?

OK, so our Christmas was a little more dramatic than I would have liked due to my birthfather's passing.  I finally mustered up the courage to call his brother to find out what happened, and I was horrified for a few seperate reasons.

Turns out, his friends and family didn't know about all.  Not even that there was a possibility of me. That stung. I've known him and communicated with him for ten years and he told no one.  My aunt was the one who answered the phone, and she was like, "is this a joke??" Sigh...I wish.  So after a very awkward introduction, and some feeble attempts at justifying that I was who I said I was, she told me what happened to Jerry.

Turns out, he shot himself.  She explained that my uncle found him the morning after their father died, and that the entire room was contaminated and a clean-up crew had to come.  That piece of information has had me reeling for two weeks now. 

I feel guilty for not trying harder to be in his life. I feel pissed that he did this and took away any chance of a future for our relationship.  I feel so very sorry for him that he thought this was the only way to deal with his pain. 

The weirdest part is, I'll be going about my day, doing normal daily stuff, and out of nowhere, I'll think, "he's dead. He blew his head off."  Sorry for the graphic-ness, but thats literally going through my head all. the. time.  I HATE that he did this. HATE IT. 

So thats the gist of it.  My aunt decided she was not going to tell my uncle about me just yet...maybe in time. Right now he's suffering from his own trauma, and the introduction might be a bit much for him.  I'm ok with that. 

Suicide is not something I understand.  I used to think people who did this were selfish and cowardly.  And then a woman I knew hung herself. She had three daughters, the youngest only 12. She had a teenage daughter who had just had a baby and she needed her own mother.  What demons were in her head that made her do such a horrible thing?  How bad do things have to be before someone sees this as the only way out?  I pray that she and my birth father are at peace, and that God knows their heads weren't right on those days. At this point, praying is all I can do for them...

Monday, January 2, 2012


Its been a while, but like most families, we have had a TON going on.  Christmas was awesome...the girls had a blast with all their peeps, and scored bigtime on the toy front. That said, they were very giving too, and appreciated what they received.  The BEST part of Christmas for me is the joy in my children. Loves it!! These are in no particular order

Middle A working the Barbie Lipstick.

Belle enjoying her Christmas gift from Big A

"Baby Cora" getting her seat by the table

Present Opening Aftermath

Baby A loving her Ariel

All my babies on Christmas Eve

I have an update on my birthfather, but I'm going to hold off on it for now b/c its not a very pleasant one, and right now, I just want to share the blessings that filled our holiday.  We had a great time with friends and family and were just so blessed to have them to share it all with.