Tuesday, May 8, 2012

It was an affair

I didnt know how to go about titling this post without sounding super dramatic...so...this is what it is.  He had an affair. I found out by coming across pictures of them together, in ways that I never ever want to recall.  Supposedly, he ended it about a month before I found out.  This revelation has rocked my world, my faith, my self esteem. 

I wasnt going to post anything about this...this is my family blog after all.  But heres the truth...affairs happen in families. Affairs happen to pregnant women.  They just do, even when its the very very last thing you'd expect your spouse to do.  My husband is extremely remorseful...but is it because he was caught? He even admitted he had no intention of telling me, but he had set into motion counseling for himself long before I found out because he knew something was wrong with himself. 

How though, as the pregnant wife of an adulterer, do you not feel inadequate?  Clearly he saw something in her that he couldnt find in me. He told me that he felt like his life was out of control and that seeing her was a break, a vacation, from the responsibilities of home life.  Wow.  I would LOVE a vacation from my responsibilities. Fortunately, I have morals that keep me from ever ever considering doing what he did. 

He signed us up for marriage counseling immediately after I found out.  I agreed to wait three months before making any major decisions. By then, the baby will be here and hopefully I'll have a clear head.  Right now, I'm on auto-pilot. A few close friends know, mostly those that have experienced this nightmare for themselves.  My husband is doing his very best...he answers all my questions, regardless of how repetitive I'm being or how graphic.  Although it was incredibly awkward, he gave me her phone number and I spoke with her. She confirmed much of what he said and some additional details that I just needed to know. She was clearly put off when he first called because they hadnt spoken in a month. She admits that he was very cold towards her and ended things abruptly. 


It still happened.

Although short lived, this affair feels like it has consumed my life. I dont seem to care much about anything these days. Obviously, the kids know nothing...and the odd thing is my husband and I can speak more calmly than we ever have. We have not had the first argument since I found out. All the kids know is that dad is around more, and they like it. 

I know I'll be posting more about this later. This is about all I can handle for now.  But my advice to any woman who suspects something...trust your gut.  Don't go all crazy sleuth on your man, but if you're genuinely feeling like something is awry, it probably is. 


  1. Oh Meg. Soooooooo, so sorry this happened.
    Prayers. Hugs.

  2. I am so sorry you have to go through this! Please know that his actions have nothing to do with you. I know it is hard to not feel like garbage...

    This is what I told a friend a few years back: Ultimately, an affair is a mistake. It is a huge, horrible, hurtful mistake, but a mistake nontheless. Your husband made an awful mistake- it does not have to mean the end of your marriage if you don't want it to. (My friend and her husband worked through it and are still together; it isn't the way it was before- I don't think that is possible...)

    I wish you strength and I hope you have lots of support. I know it feels as though the world has ended :-(