Tuesday, June 5, 2012

not usually a "woe is me" kind of girl...but...

So, I'm throwing myself a pity party.  A big one. Being all caught up in my husband's mess, I've put some other things on the backburner that are now coming back forward with a vengeance. Before I get started, my brief disclaimer is that I realize I am not perfect. I realize that NO one is perfect, and I'm typically not one to judge. But for the love of God, can I get ONE reliable person in my life?? Just one??
Hubs is the first case in point, but we already knew that. He let me down, betrayed me...blah blah blah...same ol stuff.
So then my best friend.  Or, former best friend I should say. We have been BFFs for years...but her behavior following this affair had me so riled up, I literally couldnt talk to her anymore.  We are Christian women. (Heck, I thought my husband was a Christian man, but whatev).  Typically, adultery is frowned upon.  So, when she came to me around the same time my husband did saying that she had had an affair with her ex husband, I was horrified.  Not only that, but she was pregnant. And wanted my support.  So here I was, reeling from the reality that my own husband had betrayed me, and she wanted my support as she navigated a pregnancy, conceived with a man who was NOT her current husband. I think her husband knew something was up though because he was less than supportive. (The ex had called him at some point).  She somehow justified her affair and thought her current husband "owed" her...meanwhile, aside from his suspicions, he was pretty much unaware that this baby was not his.  It was disgusting. As much as I wanted to tell him, I stayed out of it. Time went on, I was struggling with this mess in my own life, and she was carrying on, constantly acting like her husband had betrayed HER with his behavior and acting completely justified in what she was doing (trying to pass the baby off as his).  It made me sick. It got to the point where I found her so selfish and deceitful that I could no longer be her friend. Unfortunately, she lost the baby around 10 weeks, but I'm not 100% sure that she actually "lost" it. I think she wanted the issue to go away. That was the last time I spoke with her.  MY husband cheated on me, and she wanted me to help her justify the SAME dispicable behavior!  She had very little sympathy and always wanted to talk about her situation. At least my husband is remorseful and extremely apologetic...she offered none of that to her own!

So then, my family. Let me start by saying I adore them. But, they too have let me down in a way that just hurts my feelings.  (Do I sound like I'm five years old or what??)  My parents had agreed to watch our oldest daughter in the timeframe between when she got out of school and I delivered the baby, so we wouldnt have to pay for her to go to camp. At the last minute, they "forgot" their promise and decided to go to their beach house until the baby comes. This leaves us in the lurch for two weeks, scrambling to find childcare for her.  In the interest of not upsetting them, I kept my mouth shut.  They were also supposed to keep the kids when I was in labor. Well, thats out now too because they are six hours away at the beach, and they've informed me that they will be home right after he is born. 

So people, I am pissed. My husband, my best friend, and my parents have all let me down. I feel like I'm constantly putting on my big girl panties (which, these days, are my huge girl panties) and pulling my stuff together by myself. Its like I can't depend on anyone. The only person I can count on is me, and that sucks. Again, I am not perfect...in fact pretty far from it.  But I have integrity and I am fiercely loyal. I guess it just hurts so much because I never would have treated any of them like this. If I say it, I mean it.  Sigh...

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