Today was super frustrating. I have a case in which the parents adopted two children, and have two biological children. These kids were adopted from an Eastern European country, and were 2.5 and 8 at the time of adoption. Something happened between the two of them that I'll spare you the details of, but the resulting madness that has ensued has been filling my days with frustration and disappointment...in their parents. The boy is 15, and they are adamant about getting him out of their house. Their SON. They keep asking us to take him and put him in a group home...whaaaaa??
Although properly trained (I actually called their agency) on the risks of international adoption, and the effects of institionalization on children, they fail to see how their kids' early lives translate into their lives and behaviors now. They never got them proper counseling or services when attachment problems first surfaced, and they are not accepting ANY responsibility for their poor parenting of these kids. They have abused them verbally and physically since they came to this country 7 years ago. I am just sick of this. The child in question is very mild and he is a GOOD kid...despite what he's been through. The parents are looking, at every moment, for reasons to be mad with him. AND ITS ALL DUMB. These parents went through two post-adoptive counseling rounds, have two in-home therapists working with them, and myself (their good 'ol county social worker), not to mention education specialists...all of us pointing fingers to mom and dad, and mom and dad not caring AT ALL. They want him out out out out out. How can they not be held accountable for this? They are so cold with this child, I almost wonder if it would be better to remove him and put him in foster care. On the flip side, we don't ever want to take kids unless we HAVE to...but they are just so hostile towards him and he cowers when they are around....he literally shrinks into his body.
I'm not telling the whole story here for the sake of time, but I am just so infuriated with these people. This child is a teenager...he does not do drugs, he does not drink, he does not cause problems in school, he does his chores as told. He has ASKED to be loved. He suffered innumerable abuses at the hands of his former caregivers including being tied to his bed, almost drowned, starved, beaten, molested...
And then here, he's suffered at the hands of the people who promised to protect him. He has sensory processing disorder, frontal lobe deformity, fetal alcohol syndrome...things that make it VERY difficult for him to function day to day, and yet he does...and he thrives...when they aren't around.
I just had to get that off my chest. I'm so angry and so frustrated...I have put hours and hours and hours into this family, this child, and its all falling apart because we as professionals care more about this kid than his own parents do.